


Tea

by daestopiaa



Category: B.A.P
Genre: AU, Butlers, Crack, Gen, Humor, This is just high quality crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 14:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12842790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daestopiaa/pseuds/daestopiaa
Summary: “I may have used poison instead of sugar,” said Junhong, eyeing the two jars in front of him.Popstar Kim Himchan's butlers have made a huge mistake.





	Tea

**Author's Note:**

> You are about to read crack. With highly exaggerated characters. Have fun!

“I may have used poison instead of sugar,” said Junhong, eyeing the two jars in front of him.

Youngjae’s jaw fell open. “IN WHAT WORLD DO THE LABELS RAT POISON AND SUGAR LOOK THE SAME TO YOU?”

“Hey ever since Himchan decided powdered sugar ‘suited him better’ I can barely tell the difference between all these white powders. Anyway, I’ve just got to throw it out.”

Youngjae forced a smile and walked up to Junhong. “Well, there’s a slight problem,” he said, whispering softly in his ear.

“What is it?” Junhong asked dreamily, flustered to have him so close.

‘’I SENT THE TEA TO HIMCHAN A MINUTE AGO,” screamed Youngjae.

Junhong recoiled violently thanks to the shock to his ear drum and his body. “Oops?”

“OOPS??? IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY??? YOU MIGHT HAVE JUST SET INTO MOTION A PROCESS THAT COULD KILL OUR BOSS???”

Junhong took a step back, and then another, trying to look for anything he could use as defense against Youngjae jumping around. “Umm, instead of yelling at me I think we should get the tea back?”

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO,” screamed Youngjae, yet again. “Okay we need to calm down and gather our thoughts.”

Junhong slowly put the spatula he’d picked up back into the drawer, his eyes never leaving Youngjae’s heavily breathing form.

Youngjae clasped his hands together and said, “I think we should get the tea back.”

“Uh that’s what I just-“

“DON’T ARGUE WITH ME LET’S GO.”

They both hurriedly got out of the kitchen; they had about 100 meters to cover before they reached the room specially made for drinking tea. Himchan, was, well, fancy. Being a famous pop star meant having a lot of money to spend. It also meant having an incredibly specific set of needs, something that drove his butlers crazy. On a bad day, Junhong might have intentionally mixed the poison. But alas, the job paid too much for either of them to want to give it up. So they simply gave up a different set of things for it- sugar crystals, regular shoes, the ability to complain, and their dignity.

“Ugh I still don’t understand why he makes us wear these squeaky shoes,” said Youngjae. They were big and ugly with a chick’s face on them which clucked with every step.

“He grew up on a farm he just likes to be reminded of it,” said Junhong, trying not to laugh at the fact that Youngjae’s angry walk with those shoes made him look like a penguin.

“Oh did his farm have a Victorian style tea room where he has to drink tea every morning at 10:04 AM sharp?” Youngjae was pouting. “Sometimes I honestly want to- What are you laughing at?”

Junhong was leaning against a pillar, one hand on his stomach, the other covering his face. “You look exactly like the bird on the shoe,” he said, bursting into another fit of giggles.

Youngjae stood still; it looked like he was regretting all the times he ever found Junhong adorable. “Well that settles it- you’re going to slap the cup out of Himchan’s hand.”

Junhong’s laughter ceased. “Why are we slapping the cup out of his hand? Can’t we just ask him to give it back?”

Youngjae rolled his eyes as they resumed walking. “Well for starters it is 10 o’clock and we can’t remake the tea and get it to him in 4 minutes. If Himchan has to not drink his tea, it has to be because something huge happened. And gosh do you not remember the last time I asked him to let go of something already given to him? He made me dress like a watermelon because I must know my place as a ‘waitermelon’. So yes, we’re going to slap the cup out of his hand.”

Junhong almost laughed again, but the thought of him having no defense against his colleague’s striking abilities made him stop. “Oh! You said we!”

“Oi I meant you, why should I risk my job? You mixed the poison.”

“But you sent it to him!” said Junhong, as they finally reached the door. Youngjae pulled him back, and they both peeped in to assess the situation, momentarily taking a break from arguing. Junhong’s head was creeping above Youngjae’s.

Himchan was in his purple silk pajamas, sitting on the couch, getting makeup done for exactly 2 minutes as he waited for his tea-time to arrive. The possible murder weapon was on the table in front of him. The possible murder convicts were looking at it for too long.

“What are you waiting for, go knock it down!” hissed Youngjae.

“Listen, we have less than a minute. I’ve been studying science and I think it’ll be better and faster if I threw you at it instead.”

Youngjae looked up with a flabbergasted expression. “Watching 2 episodes of The Big Bang Theory isn’t called studying science, Junhong!”

As Youngjae continued to rant about how tired he was of Junhong, Himchan got up and walked up to the table. Junhong had stopped paying attention at this point, he looked into the room and saw Himchan holding the cup in his hand. This was it, the perfect opportunity to save himself from jail and shut Youngjae up.

In that moment, Junhong probably didn’t know what came over him, but he grabbed a still talking Youngjae by the hip and flung him with all his might towards Himchan’s hand. From here on, all that was missing was some dramatic orchestral music. Himchan’s eyes slowly widened at the image of a man flying straight towards him, his arms flailing about. Junhong just stood at the door, with his hands outstretched and eyes shut.

Well, Junhong’s aim was terrible, but the force wasn’t. Youngjae landed straight on top of Himchan, tackling him to the ground. The tea was all over the place, they were safe, or not quite- the expression on Himchan’s face made it seem like he could murder them. Youngjae got up in a hurry, his cheeks completely red.

Himchan’s gaze was piercing through Youngjae’s soul. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? THESE CLOTHES ARE PREMIUM SILK AND YOU JUST SPILLED ALL MY TEA.”

Youngjae just stood there, “Sir, I-I-“

“HE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU,” squealed Junhong.

Youngjae turned sharply. “WHAT.”

Himchan got up promptly. “What?”

Junhong waltzed in and placed a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder. “Sir you shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, you’re so handsome; the symmetry of your face is perfect. The eyes, the hair, your voice. It’s really tough not to like you. Our Youngjae here’s just been struggling with his feelings lately, he’s been falling for you, and I guess he just wanted to experience what falling on you feels like. Isn’t that right, Youngjae?”

A smile crept on Himchan’s face as he pretty much nodded along to what Junhong was saying and he looked questioningly at Youngjae, who at this point was regretting the time he simply found Junhong. His face was devoid of any bubbliness, there was just scathing hatred.

“Isn’t that right, Youngjae?” Junhong nudged him.

Youngjae swallowed. Hard. “Y-yes sir, I have a crush on you. I can’t help it. You’re. Just. Too. Perfect.” He stretched out those words, contemplating saying each one as much as his dignity would allow him to.

Himchan sighed proudly. “Ah I understand what you’re feeling. But if you liked me you could’ve just said so, didn’t have to throw yourself at me,” he said, smirking.

Junhong laughed loudly, the kind of laugh that would utterly flatter someone. “What can I say, Sir, it looks like you’re irresistible. Don’t worry, I’ll drill some sense into this heart-eyed boy here.”

Himchan smiled wide as he said, “I need to go change now, you better make me some more tea by 10:15.” As he left, he smugly smacked Youngjae’s butt, “You can bring the tea to me.”

Junhong waved after Himchan departing, as Youngjae’s eyeballs almost popped out of his head. As soon as Himchan left the room, Junhong ran and positioned himself behind the couch.

“Look, before you say something, remember I did save you from getting fired.”

Emotions hadn’t returned to Youngjae’s face yet. His lips morphed into a flat smile. “Junhong, _I think I need to make you some tea.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh even I don't know where this came from. I hope you guys liked it!!


End file.
